So...
where to start from here..... it has been quite a while since I have even thought about this blog, let alone posted anything...from the last time I wrote something until today..my life has been flipped around, turned inside out, folded up, and then handed to me written in a completely different plan than "the original".
We moved finally moved into our house.. and I have to say, after all of our hard work, it feels good. Really good to have a home. A home that I could bring my son to and say this is it, your place of security and safety..
But honestly.. I'd rater just skip all of the casual updates and get down to the one that really matters. My life, I feel, has turned into something resembling a movie, one that i never asked to be casted in. But, that's whatI get for thinking I had a choice. For actually believing that I control what happens...I thought I had learned to really give it all up to God.. but I have found that I was completely wrong and hadnt even come close to learning what it TRUELY is to just throw your hands up and say "Well, it's all up to you"... and REALLY have a full understanding of what that means.
Until Now..
The best day of my life and the worst all rolled into one.. happening only a little over 12 hours apart...
Josh has been asking me lately when I would start posting to my blog again... And up until today.. I really had no intentions of doing so. After all, what would I say? I guess I could continue to post little updates here and there about this and that... yet... it leaves the big grey elephant just sitting beside me... and that gets me no where.
Last night was one of "those nights"..anyone who has ever experienced the loss of someone very close to them will understand what I mean by that. A night where you are exhausted but your heart and your mind keep you awake. Tears easily come and go... and still you feel, just , empty...
I began looking on the internet for blogs,resources, or ANYTHING that ANYONE had to say about experiencing such a tragedy and coping with it. All I wanted was some consolation that someone out there, knew or understood, what I was going through..
yet I continue to come up with nothing..
So that was when I decided that I would start to blog again...yet this time, I hope that by doing so not only will I help my heart to begin healing..but maybe, just maybe, there will be someone out there who needs to read and feel comforted knowing that they arent alone during their greif and glory all rolled into one.
I plan on being completely honest with myself and what I write.. if I am angry, I will be angry.. if I am sad. I will be sad... and if I am happy.. I will allow myself to be happy and not feel guilty about it...
I have jumped onto the biggest rollercoaster of emotions that anyone could never hope to experience. But all I can do it strap my seatbelt on and hope for the best.
Run Free, Homer
3 years ago
I do believe the verse that sums up what you are feeling, as you blog, is this: 2 Corinthians 1: 3-7 "All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too. When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you're just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you're going to make it, no doubt about it."
ReplyDeleteNot to sound "preachy"... it has helped me in the past as I've dealt with loss and hurt, to know that there are others who have walked the same path. You are not alone.
Hang on to your emotions and make sure you feel them. Stuffing them inside will not bring the healing that is intended for you. Blog away, and enjoy the moments you have as you talk about how you feel.
Blessings to you and your new little one. Hopefully, we'll see you at Christmas!
Know that my seat belt is fastened too...I will take the ride with you. Sending love! Jennifer James
ReplyDeleteAlways know you are not alone on that rollercoaster If that's where you are I'm right there with you For as long as the ride last you can count on me! Love you Bic
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